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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Neenah, Wisconsin. About 30 minutes south of Green Bay's Lambeau Field.
    Posts
    1,535

    Default The Ghost of Rodney Dangerfield

    I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.

    I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.

    You can tell a lot about my wife's mood just by her hands. If she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.

    I don't like making plans for the day because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.

    Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers. If you find one, what's your plan?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Location
    Oakdale MN
    Posts
    1,958

    Default

    More Please

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Neenah, Wisconsin. About 30 minutes south of Green Bay's Lambeau Field.
    Posts
    1,535

    Default

    and this one....

    Rodney 1.jpg

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Door County WI/San Diego
    Posts
    1,893

    Default

    I was leaving for work today and when I picked up my briefcase the handle fell off.
    I went to open the door and the knob fell off.
    I'm afraid to go to the bathroom!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Baudette, MN
    Posts
    1,863

    Default

    I went to the doctor the other day and the Doc says "You're fat." Fat! I'd like a second opinion. Doc say "OK, you're ugly too."

    And who could forget the classic lines to Judge Smail's wife in Caddy Shack: "I'll bet you were something before electricity." and of course "How'd you like to make fourteen bucks the hard way?"

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    South Bend, In
    Posts
    126

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by skiroule View Post
    I went to the doctor the other day and the Doc says "You're fat." Fat! I'd like a second opinion. Doc say "OK, you're ugly too."

    And who could forget the classic lines to Judge Smail's wife in Caddy Shack: "I'll bet you were something before electricity." and of course "How'd you like to make fourteen bucks the hard way?"
    "last time I saw a mouth like that...it had a hook in it!"

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Location
    The Keweenaw Peninsula
    Posts
    4,448

    Default

    These are great! Keep 'em coming!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Near Chicago
    Posts
    25

    Default

    "When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my Mother" ~ Rodney Dangerfield

    "This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me" ~ Rodney Dangerfield

    "My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat" ~ Rodney Dangerfield

    "I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it" ~ Rodney Dangerfield

    "My cousin's gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock" ~ Rodney Dangerfield

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2018
    Location
    North Aurora, IL.
    Posts
    156

    Default

    Rodney Dangerfield was quite a humanitarian, he gave a lot of comedians their first starts in his club,
    before he was a comedian he sold aluminum siding, One story that really sticks out is he was hired to go on the Ed Sullivan show and got paid $1000, well when that show aired he was installing aluminum siding at someone’s house and asked if he could watch the TV in the house, well him and the house owner watched the show together, It was quite a surprise when the house owner saw Rodney Dangerfield on TV, LOL

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Neenah, Wisconsin. About 30 minutes south of Green Bay's Lambeau Field.
    Posts
    1,535

    Default

    Rodney 1.jpg rodney 2.jpg

    Oh man, I'm down with the flu this weekend and if this guy can make me laugh when feeling this bad....he was a true legend.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    St Germain, WI
    Posts
    414

    Default

    I checked into a hotel. I asked the bellhop to to handle my bag. He started to feel up my wife. I said to him, "Hey buddy, who told you you can play around with my wife? He replied, Everybody.
    My wife can't cook. I leave dental floss in the kitchen and the roaches hang themselves.
    I told my wife that our kid is spoiled. She said a lot of kids smelled that way.
    When I was born, the doctor told my mother, I did all I could do, but he pulled through anyway.

    Love Caddyshack
    Last edited by wirev; 03-25-2019 at 12:02 PM.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Edgar Wisconsin
    Posts
    71

    Default

    Thank You
    thats really good stuff!!!

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Location
    Osseo Wisconsin
    Posts
    224

    Default

    Well at least I can smile about something today. Thanks everyone I needed this.

  14. #14

    Default

    I stayed in a motel so cheap they stole my towel,

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Monitcello Indiana
    Posts
    1,860

    Default

    When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could,......




    but he pulled through."

    - - - Updated - - -

    It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.


    I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

  16. #16

    Default

    yesterday I had a craving for nuts.....so I spent the day with my wife and her mother

    - - - Updated - - -

    I looked up my family tree 2 dogs were using it

    - - - Updated - - -

    told my dentist to put in a tooth to match the others....he put in a tooth with 4 cavities.

  17. #17

    Default

    my wife screams during sex...louder when you walk in on her

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Monitcello Indiana
    Posts
    1,860

    Default

    I tell ya my old man was strict. He said, "No drinking in the house." I had two brothers who died of thirst


    Once on my birthday, my old man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jan 2018
    Location
    North Aurora, IL.
    Posts
    156

    Default

    We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations,
    we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together

    Let’s not forget Rodney’s 4 most famous words,
    “I GET NO RESPECT”

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Western Twin Cities, Minnesota
    Posts
    438

    Default

    "Steak and sex, my favorite pair, I get them both very rare". -Rodney Dangerfield

  21. #21
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    St Germain, WI
    Posts
    414

    Default

    I told my wife not to laugh behind my back. She said, I won't, the funny stuff is on the other side!

    My wife took her driver's test. Boy was she happy. She got 18 out of 20, two guys jumped out of the way.

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