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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Neenah, Wisconsin is about 40 miles south of Green Bay's Lambeau Field.

    Default from your UPS Guy

    Hi Folks, we're as busy as ever with this Corona thing. Thought you'd like a run down of my last 5 customers today that are hunkered down at home.

    1) Steve: he has been waiting for this moment his whole life. He has been drinking boilermakers since 10:00 am in his recliner and his AR 15 is within arms reach. He has 6 months provisions in the basement and a bug out bag buried in the woods. Steve demands a handshake as I give him his package. He’s sizing me up as I deliver his ammo.
    Steve will survive this, and he will kill the first person that coughs or sneezes in his presence.

    2) Brad: He is standing at his window wearing skinny jeans and a Patagonia t-shirt. He is mad because there were no organic tomatoes at Whole Foods today. He points at the ground where he has taped a 6 ft no go zone line from his porch. I leave his case of Fuji water, organic granola bites, and his new “Bernie Sanders” hat at the tape.
    Brad will not survive.
    Steve will probably eat him.

    3) Nancy: She has sprayed everything with Glade Air Freshener. Bought all the Clorox wipes, hand sanitizer, toilet paper, meat, and bread from the local grocery chain. She has quarantined her kids and sprays them with a mixture of Lysol, lavender, & mint essential oils daily. She has posted every link known to man about “The Rona” on her social media. She will spray you if you break the 6 ft rule. I will leave her yet another case of toilet paper.
    She will last longer than Brad, but not Steve.

    4) Karen: She has called everybody and read them the latest news on “The Rona”. She asked for the manager at Food Lion, Walmart, Pick & Save, Quick Trip, and Chi-Fil-A, all before noon demanding more toilet paper. Karen’s kids are currently faking “The Rona” to avoid her. I’m delivering “Hello Kitchen” to her.
    Karen will not survive longer than Brad.

    5) Mary: Is sitting in the swing watching her kids have a water balloon fight in the front yard as she is on her fourth glass of wine. She went to the store and bought 2 cases of pop tarts, 6 boxes of cereal, 8 bags of pizza rolls, And a 6 roll pack of toilet paper. There is a playlist of Bob Marley, Pink Floyd, and Johnny Cash playing in the background. I’m bringing her second shipment of 15 bottles of wine in 3 days.

    Mary will survive and marry Steve.
    Together they will repopulate the earth.

    May God have mercy on us all.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    The Keweenaw Peninsula


    "Only the faces and names have been changed to protect their identity"!

    So true and so funny!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2009


    Know that there is funny I don’t care who you’re

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